Hello to all my dating people!

      I have written this article, mostly to be able to educate singles that are looking for that special someone.

      Dating is not just getting out there, meet people and ask questions, is not only getting to know someone and see how it goes. Dating is mostly to learn about ourselves first. After getting to know who we are or who we are becoming, getting to know someone becomes a lot easier and dating becomes painless.

      While I was dating, I just met guys through online connections that would become dates and then they would become NOTHING! Yes, you read right, these dates really went nowhere. As I swallowed up all that disappointment, I discovered that getting to know myself was more important. I became curious about my own personality and my own behavior during these dates.

      I started to read about my own experience and after a few weeks of research, I bumped into "Attachment Style". Honestly I didn't even know that existed, I just assumed guys were guys and girls were girls, kind of that Mars and Venus analogy.

      We are all part of an attachment style group.

      Attachment is formed at an early age and is very linked to our relationship with our fist caregivers. There are a few theories, they are all very similar. Children develop their attachment through nature and nurture.

      There is no need to grow up abused, or damaged, attachment style develops naturally. Of course if you had some sort of an unfortunate childhood, that will come into play as well.

There are 3 groups:

Secure, Anxious and Avoidant.

1---Secure Attachment Style,

      Belongs to those who experienced a consistent amount of love and support from their caregivers, self esteem was taught and nurtured. These individuals tend to be empathetic, considerate, good communicators when things go wrong and their feelings are mostly expressed clearly, giving their partner a sense of security and comfort. Their relationships are meaningful and long lasting and is very easy for them to get to marriage.

They are the best people to date! They make 50% of the population, but my question was, where are they hiding? I don't see too many out there dating. Well, the answer is simple, Secure individuals are mostly TAKEN. They are comfortable being in a relationship, so they are that kind of person everyone wants to date and they get to pick who they want. Their confidence and security is their best asset.

2----Anxious Attachment style,

      Is that one style where you really want someone to love you and nurture you, the individual needs constant security and reassurance. People with this style tend to cling to those individuals that pretty much don't give them the time of day. Prospects ghost on you, you may mean well, and might have a lot of good things to offer to any relationship, but the insecurity is your biggest saboteur. Always wanting to know where the relationship is going, afraid of rejection, worried about NOT wanting to get dumped. These individuals scan through moments, dates, texts, conversations to reassure themselves that they might have done something wrong to have this person disappear.

Their relationships, could be intense and they become vulnerable right away, causing their partner to reject them, which is the thing they fear the most.

Their minds are plagued by these thoughts:

'What did I do for him/her to drift away like that?"

"Does he/she really like me, how do I find out?"

"I don't want to be alone, look at all my friends on social media getting engaged"

Anxious attached individuals endure a lot of pain while dating, that's why is so important to get help and become Secure Attached.

3-----Avoidant Attached Style,

      This style is also insecure and anxiety based, but with an underlying habit of avoidance. They avoid closeness, commitment and affection.

They always need to defend a sense of independence, reminding their partner they do not want any of their belongings at their apartment, no holding hands, no posting photos, etc.

      This behavior can turn prospects off and their relationships tend to be short lived and without much meaning. They do believe in love and finding "the one", with a very skewed sense of their partners intentions. They tend to believe others are out to trap them when in reality is not the case.

      This style only brings them solitude, however, most of them are OK being like that, their avoidance keeps them from being reflective and confronting their loneliness.

      Avoidants should also look for help to transition to secure attached in order to remain in a relationship.

      Anxious and Avoidants can become Secure, it only requires coaching, it doesn't take that long to learn, is only a matter of wanting to know yourself and correcting your attachment style, only then you can know the kind of individuals you attract.

      For example, Anxious are attracted to Avoidants for their lack of attention, and Avoidants like Anxious, so they can be reassured of that false believe that their partner wants to trap them. It all becomes a self fulfilling prophecy for both styles they get involved in meaningless or toxic relationships while they completely overlook the Secure individuals.

      If you discover you attachment style, that is already a good start to a learning process.

      As I continued to discover more information, I became obsessed with the idea that, your attachment can determine your future in the romantic field of dating. I discovered that becoming secure was the way to go. If you want to make it work, love and respect a life partner, look within and reflect on which one of these individuals you can relate to.

Thank you so much for reading! and don't miss my two other blog articles!